I'm not sure anyone will read this, I don't expect anyone to. I don't write journals or anything with self-preoccupation. With that said, I've found myself, not discouraged but utterly intimidated and scared.
I'm trying to start and art journey. I know that it's about practicing and exposure. Years ago when I was in college, I took a few art classes here and there. Never have been trained or have even ventured the idea of becoming a career artist or illustrator. Even now, I'm working a rather dull and uninspiring job to pay the bills at the age of 30. I must say, I feel like a failure for not pursuing my dreams and passion. Given the past I had, can't say I'm not surprised. I've always been told I could draw but had no assistance or any way of putting myself on the path of becoming a professional.
Through experimentation, youtube videos, seeing my artwork on social media platforms, mostly to inspire myself to evolve and to push myself more. It seems to work, seeing other professional artist and illustrators makes me feel somewhat small but in a way, strive to make that happen for myself. All my life I've been very self conscious about my work, never believing it was worthy. I've had a lot of demons and pain in my life which made me very nervous of pursuing the one thing I value most of all.
Now, an adult and no longer stymied by self doubt I'm ready to go ahead full steam ahead. Make it happen, get messy. I'm absolutely terrified, exhilarated and well anxious. I know a career won't happen over night and I'm going about this with out any information or assistance. So, yeah, I'm going in this headfirst, I just hope I cross the finish line and don't end up in the gutter.
Seeing all these websites, Patreon, gum rush, society6 and big cartel...oh...they scare me. What do I need to do. Is my artwork good enough for it, what if it's a waste. I don't know but I do know, I've wasted enough time not doing it, so I have nothing else to lose but more time.